breaking your promise, Fail!

I am breaking my promise to write down and publish all my gratitudes in 7 days respectively >.< Then you know who the real me. My hoby is breaking my promise. Astaghfirullah.

The ultimate reason I could not accomplish this task was because I could not have a proper internet connection. Even there were some courses in coursera that I couldn’t follow because of the terrible internet. However, I kept my promise to write everything I found pleasurable and here they are. *I wish I could keep writing very long blog post today since today is Sunday!

2nd day of gratitude

My internet connection is sooooooo terrible >.< I had a course on “Understanding Violence” and there are a couple of materials I did not finish reading yet. Well, Do you have any idea what I am going to do now since there is no internet Now? No Idea? no, I want to read a book I promised to finished this week. What books? I am gonna tell ya after I finish writing my gratitude things ;p

  1. My boss asked me to  analyse some data. I have made the analysis before, yet she did not pay much attention on her email, so I just showed her what I have been trough. Glad she liked the results, yet she asked me other things to be analysed. I was happy at that time since my only happiness when she asked me to do this kind of work. She usually asked me to prepare some events which need correspondences with other people and I really could not enjoy those kind jobs. Oh ya, I need to announce that starting October I am going to be a jobless. I resign from my current job and decide to focus on things I like. I like teaching and creating some brooch, so I have my junior on my former university to work in my place. I am so happy with her. She’s a young and impassioned girl. I am happy and I really love her >.< I really hope that she will get what she deserves here. Oh Lord, I need your blessing for the girl.
  2. Yes, the girl is also my blessing. I’ve wanted to get out of this place for months ago, yet I feel pity to the Boss so I ust keep torturing my feeling. A friend of mine said it would be much better if I just resign for the job and go find another. There will be many risks I take in the future, but the most important thing is how to save the heart and feeling towards your respectful boss. Ah, however there are many things I’ve planned starting for October. Bismillah,
  3. This is my open secret that actually I have a crush with Alexander Rybak since years ago!! And this night (note: I wrote this at night 6 days ago) I am enjoying Alexander Rybak!! I dont know, but the beat really makes me this happy.

Oh ya, I am reading Game of Thrones series. This series are not the easy one to be understood for someone with poor English like me. So, I am still not used to understand the characters since there are too many. I started watching the series last week (though I’ve completely downloaded the film very very long ago), I guess I am going to understand the book more easily.

3th day of Gratitude

What the hell with my interneeet >.< aargh… heu heu, I am sorry, I couldn’t do anything to the wireless-thing. I also still could not touch my materials. Downloading the materials using office internet connection is rather… well, I just couldn’t. So then I do not know what to do now. Well, I still have a promise so I think I just want to keep the promise and write, well, the most gratitude thing I got today.

  1. Honestly, I had a very bad day today. But, no, I did not want to talk about the matter. I am sad. oh cmon Lin >.<  Well, what are you doing when you suddenly feel sooo much saaad like me noow. Writing. Okey, I am trying. Actually now I am happy to see my own library in my bedroom. There is a not-so-big bookcase in my bedroom. I am givng my best to keep my book in best condition, though some was not in even-good condition. I still did not know how to keep the books good, yet I am trying my best. I bought the book mostly with my own money, even in the same time I am not the person who is good in making money. This is a guilty pleasure I think. I keep reading ebook for years for pressing the money issue, yet I am still glad, I still can read very good books in this difficulties >.< Thanks God for your very kind way to me. I am happy.
  2. Oh ya, to tell you the truth I wasn’t think what I am going to write to complete this meme-issue. Yet, I suddenly remember that I met a very young age boy in my way to go home. He is about a little bit younger than my youngest brother, maybe around 10-11 y.o. Since I am working in a quite far place from my home, I usually arrive at home at 7-8 pm. I am glad, today it is much earlier. I met a very young boy who has home far more than mine in my last public transportation. I was pitying him since I was restless. So I decided to follow him with making certain distance. I did not want to make him afraid of me, though. in this state, I was truly think like a stalker. >.< No, no, I just want to make sure he will save. In the middle of the way, he was suddenly called by his older brother and I felt so relieved. I think this is also my gratitude to You, God, for keeping him save.
  3. I am going to study. Okey. The poor connection should be remain grateful. I am going to study really hard now. If my internet works properly, I will open too many sites and listen too many songs before fall asleep. Since I want to study, my two last words will be “good bye.”

4th day of gratitude

Wow, I am starting to enjoying writing this gratitude things >.<

  1. So enjoying writing this grateful feelings is my first gratitude of todayy, yeaaaay! People tend to feel desperately on their lifes. I do not understand, yet I am agree. It also happens to me. But there are always things what can save our heart. I thing writing down all the grateful feelings can help us to be grateful of even the small things. I have a feeling that this is what life we need to understand. As what wise people said, it is much better to focus on what before on your own eyes. I am wondering there are some people who couldn’t feel this gratitude until their last minute breath. They are dying without knowing that life itself is a grateful thing. I am sad and I am surely know I do not want to be those kind of people. So here I am trying to enjoying the life comes to me.
  2. I solely swear that I am doing my best in my today’s job. There is a research presentation and I am happy I could be the one who can helping analyze the data. I am happy, indeed. I asked my junior who is going to replace me working here and she is also happy!! Thanks god.
  3. Got a new homework to do and I am always happy working this kind of task. Again, I need to read a couple of articles about statistic non parametric. I have read some pages of Haruki Murakami book titled Dance, Dance, Dance. I want to finish the book badly, yet I know, I am going to continue reading tomorrow in my way of working. I need to complete my work now!

1st day of gratitudes

Hehe, I skipped writing about this #7thdayofgratitude, though I really want to regularly share many stories to you. It’s been a while since I post the last in this blog. Ya, about a week ago. I just want to say I really really long for writing about nice things around me like when I was still a freshman. The truth is I could not freely share the life around me since it usually ended with a very sentimental story. However today, I just want to enjoy my time peacefully while writing about everything nice I found. I promise, there will not be any complaints.

I went to a bookstore in Depok and bought some comics and a book to be enjoyed. I take this as the first gratitude. Since I did not have a plan to go to bookstore (yesterday I just spent my leisure money to buy some), my mom gave me a permission to buy me the book I suddenly found very interesting. Well, I am actually the kind who can very easily fall for any books so the reason must be very ambiguous. The tittle is Nawung which came from Javanese name. For I love the novel which mainly developed from wisdom of Java, I naturally have an urge to buy the book. I hope the book will not disappoint me, though.

A guy I like texted me and I was so happy. Though our relationship is no more than a friend, I should be grateful. I did not tell this to anyone, even to my closest friend. I wonder if I tell about this-kind-relationship my friend would turn into a nag. I do not have a boyfriend, and so he doesn’t have the girlfriend. Well, let me hope, I am still happy with this. Maybe because of this fact I am a bit relaxed. I am thinking to confess the feeling since it will be much better. The relationship then will turn healthier with no prejudice. It is only the time >.< actually this will be my first time confessing my feeling. I think it will turn unwell when the opposite do not have the same feeling. But that also will be much better. For now, I am enjoying the feeling. I think falling in love is good for the health. When the relationship does not turn into what we expect,…. it’s not a different story. I am able to experience the sadness and then become stronger. I believe there will be a good ending. So this is my second gratitude!!!

I made a handmade brooch made of denim. The results were fantastic, at least those were what I’ve tried to create with my best. I think I can promote my handmade brooches to friends as one of the ornament of the hijabs. There are more and more girls who use hijab and if I can continue making various brooches, I am thinking to make this hobby profitable >.< I can say this becomes my third gratitudes of today, oh well, I mean Yesterday!

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The handmade brooches ;)

The day has been changed. I am glad I can keep my writing until the end. I am going to share other stories that will happen today, I mean, the happy things happened at the next hours. If, in the middle of the day, I still could not find interesting topic to be shared, I would think of some ideas to create the full miracle day. I have no idea now, yet I promise that there will be the second day of gratitudes!

7th days of gratitude

Sejujurnya, aku mendapat salam tempel dari ayu untuk melanjutkan meme-nya mengenai #7thdaysofgratitude :) anak ini selalu seenaknya saja ngetag ini dan itu ke aku, ya walaupun ujung-ujungnya tidak pernah aku kerjakan.

1. Yang pertama. Hal yang kusyukuri adalah kenikmatan karena memiliki keluarga yang penuh dengan kasih. Aku hidup di keluarga yang sangat rukun, mempunyai adek-adek yang peduli banget sama kakaknya (padahal salah satunya ada yang usianya jauuuh lebih muda dari aku). Buatku yah, meskipun terasa klise, mereka itu pendorong aku yang utama. Tuhan seperti memberikan kekuatan terbesarnya padaku melalui keluarga yang aku miliki. Tidak mungkin aku bisa bertahan dari segala kerasnya cobaan hidup *uhuk, tanpa dorongan dari keluargaku itu. Si Adekku Kun ini sikapnya seperti tak acuh, tapi yah, dia mendukungku dengan caranya yang ajaib. Atau juga si adekku yang usianya masih 12 tahun. Tau gak sih, dia itu rajin banget belajarnya, bahkan bisa sampai malam. Aku belakangan tahu, dia itu seperti.. berusaha menyemangati aku yang selalu hampir tidak tidur buat belajar atau mengerjakan sesuatu. Duh, ya gak mungkin lah ya aku tega biarin dia so sweet gitu. Ujung-ujungnya sih, aku jadi memutuskan tidur lebih awal demi supaya dia tidurnya gak kemalaman. Lalu satu lagi, keluarga yang sebenarnya gak ada hubungan darah sama sekali. Kupikir keluarga memang tidak butuh ikatan darah atau semacamnya ya. Batasan itu kan selalu kita yang memulainya duluan. Karena ada ikatan darah, otomatis kita lebih bersikap posesif dong ke ‘yang lebih dekat itu. Nah si ayu ini nih, dia gak tau kali ya, kalo aku sebenarnya bersyukur banget kenal sama dia. Aku gak akan pernah benar-benar mengenal apa yang namanya ‘berusaha keras’ kalau tidak mengenal ayu. Oke, mungkin aku salah. Akan lain ceritanya kalau aku tidak mengenal ayu, tapi sampai saat ini aku bersyukur banget nget bisa kenal sama ayu. Terima kasih Tuhan engkau telah memberikan keluarga yang baik.

2. Aku ketemu dengan teman-teman yang hanya sempat berinteraksi kurang dari dua bulan di dua tahun yang lalu. Aku, Ardi, Ikada, Intan, Hesti, Bayumi, Kiki, dan Koko, makasiiih bangets. Aku seneng banget dan rasanya ini itu hampir mustahil. Alhamdulillahirabbil alamin, ternyata semuanya senang dengan tempat yang aku pilih. Kebetulan banget, Salihara kan memang salah satu tempat di Jakarta yang paling aku suka. Suasananya adem dan tenang. Ketemu sama teman-teman lama tuh jadinya quality time-nya kerasa banget. Cuma sayang sih, rasanya menu di kopi tiam kurang menggugah selera mereka. Untungnya banget lagi tuh, kita ngeliat ada tempat makan yang lumayan dekat dari Salihara, tetapi dengan pilihan yang lebih banyak. Jadinya, kekecewaan tak tersirat mereka jadi sedikit terobati

3. Aku mulai merencanakan kewajibanku dengan rutin setiap minggu. Lari. Sudah beberapa minggu ini aku mulai kembali rajin jogging selama 2 minggu berturut-turut. Alhamdulillah banget sampai sekarang masih berlangsung. Semoga tetap istiqomah. Btw, aku mulai semakin rajin lari itu semenjak salah satu penulis favorit aku tuh, ternyata seorang Runner. Siapakah dia? Haruki Murakami :) Sebelum itu, aku hanya rajin berlari jika merasa sudah sangat jenuh. Setelah membaca What I talk when I talk about running, aku jadi mulai tersadar pada kebiasaanku ‘berlari’ secara rutin ketika masih berkuliah. Kupikir tidak ada salahnya untuk mulai merutinkannya kembali mengingat, aku merasa jika aku yang paling produktif adalah ketika aku mampu menyeimbangkan konsentrasiku antara karya dan olah raga.

oke segini aja dulu. Yak. 1 menit lagi menjelang 24.00. Aku tak ingin mempublikasikan tulisan ini lewat dari hari ini.

dunia yang absurd

Sayangnya, aku tidak jadi mengikuti jambore kali ini. Karena ayah aku wisuda, rasanya sedih kalau ayahku wisuda anaknya gak ikut, jadi aku mengalah saja dan tidak jadi ikut jambore sahabat anak. Tapi selalu ada hal yang bisa dikerjakan, bukan?

Seperti misalnya mengutak-atik celana jeans yang sudah tidak layak pakai. Belakangan aku memang cukup terhibur hanya dengan ditemani buku, tetapi belakangan juga muncul keinginan untuk menciptakan sesuatu yang nantinya bisa bermanfaat gitu loh. Lalu di saat itulah, insting aku untuk berkreasi dan memperdagangkan hasil kreasi begitu besar! Seseorang tolong selamatkan aku. Aku didapuk untuk fokus supaya bisa sekolah lagi kok tapi ini malah maunya wira-wiri aja?

Kalo kata seorang tokoh di bukunya haruki murakami  yang terbaru (pemuda bernama Haida, temannya si Tsukuru Tazaki), “I like daydreaming, and thinking philosophically, yet I do not want to pursue higher degree in philosophy. I chosed Physics instead.” Sebenarnya kata-katanya gak persis seperti itu sih, cuma inti dari ucapannya kurang lebih seperti itu. Maksudnya apa? Maksudnya adalah si tokoh tersebut tidak ingin mengambil jurusan yang ia sukai karena tidak ingin kebebasan dan kesenangannya akan filosofi membuat ia tertekan. Filosofi yang disukainya pun tidak bisa lagi menjadi tempatnya mencari kebebasan. Jadi samalah dengan aku. Aku bersyukur banget gak ngambil jurusan sastra ataupun sosial. Karena kupikir, kalau aku ambil jurusan-jurusan itu, aku tidak tau harus ke mana lagi aku menimbun diri kalau sedang sedih?

Pfft.. ada-ada saja emang (nunjuk ke Murakami).

Lalu balik lagi ke permasalahan jambore ininih. Bener-bener deh. Aku tuh sebenernya pengen banget gabung ke mereka. Tapi insting aku yang suka ngalah ini bikin masalah banget. Akhirnya, Ya Tuhanku, semoga nanti aku tetap diizinkan jadi volunteer di rumah belajar di sana. Secara, semuanya itu untuk membayar kesedihan aku tidak ikut jambore :)

Jadi postingan kali ini tentang apa? Tentang Absurditas yang melingkupi hidup si Alin. Ciee, Alin sekarang mulai berani menggunakan istilah-istilah filosofis.

 

Keseimbangan

Kematian bukan untuk memisahkan, melainkan menyempurnakan kehidupan. Sama halnya dengan kebahagiaan yang tidak akan pernah menjadi sempurna jika tanpa disertai kesedihan. Jadi, kematian hadir bukan untuk diratapi, namun disambut dengan perasaan siap melepaskan. Yang sulit adalah keterikatan. Manusia secara naluriah tidak pernah hidup sendiri, maka untuk menghindari kesepian, manusia pun menjaga keterikatan yang mereka ciptakan. Sampai pada suatu titik, umumnya mereka akan lupa jika keterikatan yang mereka ciptakan bukan untuk mereka miliki. Jadi, ketika mereka berpisah, kesedihan pun datang. Kesedihan bisa pergi tanpa menyakiti jika sedari awal manusia tidak pernah merasa memiliki keterikatan. Semuanya akan kembali pada pemiliknya. Jadi, perjalanan mereka yang pergi pun sebenarnya perjalanan pulang untuk kembali ke Dia yang adalah pemiliknya.